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It can also be highly emotional, and you may not even know what your ideal outcome is. Layered on top of these challenges is an American culture that often discourages women — especially women of color WOC — from self-advocating, particularly when it comes to grasping greater power and resources or saying no to undervalued work. In our experience teaching, interviewing, and working with female managers and executives, we commonly hear WOC report feeling an instinct to stay silent and be grateful for what they have. Negotiating should be seen as a tool to overcome barriers and solve problems; however, many WOC view it as a privilege and often overlook the leverage they have available to them. Black women found that revealing ambitious intentions and a healthy self-esteem caused them to be misinterpreted as angry, difficult, or aggressive. Many Asian cultures teach a reverence for authority that creates expectations with themselves and others that they should conform. Many immigrant Latinas are cautioned based on family experience not to rock the boat and are taught to keep their heads down. When these women advance through corporate America, they have few negotiation models tailored toward the unique spaces they occupy.

Effective moms are not OK. Working moms are reaching the breaking point. Effective moms are struggling. Indeed, American mothers are on the brink. My companion is a partner too! Once all the rage a relationship, however, it takes add than splitting dishes, loads of laundry, and bedtime stories for dual-career couples to navigate a successful life all together. It was for me.

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